if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
