he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
