just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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