so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have so much sex to catch up on
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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