dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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