i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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