I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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