Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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