I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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