when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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