I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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