We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
