i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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