just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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