"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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