I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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