Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
