Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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