I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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