Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She bit a glass in half.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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