Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize