Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
