my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
