Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize