All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
