Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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