Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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