He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
