I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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