i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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