hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
