dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
