i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
