What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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