see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
