It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
