I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
