i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we're so committed to being not committed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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