The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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