I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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