You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize