And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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