piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
