I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We got so high we made milksteak
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
