I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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