What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
