Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
