she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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