hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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