Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
