I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
