Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
