apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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