Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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