This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
