laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
