I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
