I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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