Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you win again, gameday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
