I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
