if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
50% drunk capacity currently
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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