I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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