Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
