Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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