I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
