Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
