I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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