God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
