i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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