I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
