it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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