is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
