my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
