I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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